Kanyadaan.........

The other day I found myself attending a wedding -a rare event ; In spite of residing in a culturally rich country!!! If I am not wrong, this was the third wedding which i attended in the 23 years long tenure of my earth stay! Or more correctly, this was The first wedding which i witnessed right from the inception i.e. searching the groom. I guess the readers will get bored if I start from the inception and provide fine details of the entire process!! So, cutting the long story short- Ladka mil gaya, ladki ne haami bhari, Most Important- KUNDALIS MATCHED ( this point has been highlighted as it plays a  very crucial role in Indian Weddings.... It can make or break relations.......), sabhi rishtedaaron ne tathaastu kaha, US wale bhaiyya-bhabhi ne bhi Ok Tested ka stamp laga diya; engagement bhi ho gayi and finally comes THE D DAY!!!! THE WEDDING......

Indian weddings are a gala event. So many rituals, customs, traditions to be performed!!! Poor bride and the groom!! By the time they actually find themselves alone after the entire wedding hungama, they are so badly tired and exhausted that that they don't even have the energy to say Good Night to each other!! Indian wedding are a celebration of rituals, customs, food, gold, silver, silks sarees, flowers, seven sacred vows- the famous Saat Pheras, mangalsutra, sindoor, lots of glam sham.....and one important event...Kanyadaan!!

As everyone knows, Kanyadaan means giving away  the daughter to some X Y Z who claims to be the protector of the daughter and pledges to be with her through thick and thin, joys and sorrows, sickness and health.....in short....together till death or  till any other natural or man-made disaster does them apart!!!! So easy to say- YES!!! I DO!!! But, so difficult to keep up the promise!!!

My eyes were fixed  as I saw the bride's parents holding her hands and giving it to the groom, with water being poured over the hands; mantras being chanted in the background. I kept wondering.....and pondering..........and thinking....and sinking.......into my thoughts....!!!


The Kanyadaan event  hardly took five minutes...but the consequence of it lasts for the entire lifetime!!! I was wondering what must be going on in the Father's mind and heart as he is performing that ritual??? My baby..going away from me forever!!!!!.....And Mother.....?? She must be thinking.....God, bless my child and always keep her happy.... The Groom?????? Any guesses???  He must be praying- Oh Almighty!!! Please give me the strength to carry this extra load with efficiency!!! He he he he.. :-) Just kidding....:-)

Jokes apart......it is a responsibility...a very big responsibility!!!!!! Two parents give away the bride's hands to one single Groom!!! So now, he has to play three different roles- He has to protect the bride and fulfill her demands like a Father, he has to care for her and listen to her like a patient mother......and the new role- He has to share his life with her, love her, respect her, make her his BETTER HALF, Literally............


One Kanyadaan changes everything ....Isin't it???? The girl's priorities, her life, her HOME, her sir name, her gotra, her spectrum of people............. The girl now is just not a girl...she is a wife, a daughter, a bhabhi, a devraani/jethani, a chachi, a mami, a nanad......she represents her entire family in front of her relatives-in-law......most importantly- her parents... Every act or move of hers is taken as a reference to judge how has she been brought up!!!  She has to consciously take care of what she speaks, what she wears, how she behaves..!!.Life becomes so challenging!!! One small and mistake and pops the comment- how has she been brought up!!! a direct hit on the parents!!!      

Well...... this is one point of view!!...... We look  also at it this way....the girl enters a new life....a new birth.....!!!! So many new people waiting to welcome her into their lives, connect to her, love her, respect her,  share their lives with her.......!!!!! Makes the girl feel so special!!!!!

Had every girl's story been the same as mentioned in the above few lines, there would have not been any cases of Brides being harassed for dowry, burn cases of newly wed brides who accidently got burnt by some lamp; brides hanging themselves after succumbing to the in-laws tortures,....the saga never ends!!!!!

I wish every girl on this earth a very happy married life...and a very understanding life partner......who can read her face even when she is not speaking......    It is a mutual contract...so.....I also wish all the future grooms a very happy and peaceful , wedlock and pray that they  have mini-fights only for  trivial issues, which eventually ends up in a cute hug....:-) Cheers to the lock of wedlock........

Monsoon Diary........

Hmmmmm.....Wat to write on a lousy Monsoon morning!!!  Such a beautiful weather outside!! After working overtime the entire night. rain God( who is on an Atmosphere Cleaning Drive  these days) has taken a break. Every time my eyes get a treat of such a weather, time drags me back to one particular chapter  from the pages of my childhood days. The memories of that day are still so fresh!!............

Early morning hours on a Monsoony day......

5 am, to be precise. Nagpur rains are quite different from Bangalore rains. Rain god  shows extra love on us Nagpurians and we get the luxury of non- stop showers for couple of days together. That particular morning too, had a drenching history of 3 days of non-stop rain. During such episodes of rain, the rain god's tanker gets exhausted usually in the middle of the night and we get to see a silent, motionless sky the next day. It was a similar monsoon morning. My brother and I were in deep Shavasana when mummy woke us up. Rubbing our half open eyes, we saw the wall clock- 5.30 am. We came out and WOW!!! What a lovely morning it was!!! Literally, GOOD MORNING. :-) My eyes wide open!!! After quickly finishing the ritual of bowel, bladder and brushing teeth, we grabbed two chairs and sat outside on the verandah. relishing mother nature's Surprise Gift!!

My brother started turning poetic, took a pen and a pad and started scribbling, with his thinking caps on. I, who was not  yet infected by the "WRITER strain bacteria" reclined on the chair, looking around- enjoying the post rain fragrance!!! I must say- No Adidas, no Nike, no Gucci, no Armaani, no Hugo boss can compete with this fragrance.

The sky wearing a sari.. Colour?? shades of gray and blue. Still, motionless. No chirruping birds. A silence. A Poignant pause!!!

Kids of  the grass family on the land right in front of my house had suddenly become adolescents. What a rapid change!! The tall mummy and daddy grass waving in elation, looking  at their children growing up.. Every parent experiences this......when they see their child stand and walk for the first time, when their Bundle of Joy wears its school bag and and sings- 'School chalein hum' for the first time, when the child says- Johny Johny Yes papa for the first time, when it dances in the school Annual function, on the stage- for the first time, when the child participates in sports and finishes the race, when the first set of moustache and beard hair germinate, when the child writes his first Board Exam, when the child (now an adult) finishes his graduation, when the same child becomes an office goer and brings his first salary home...........Aahhhhhh!!! this never stops!!!!

Let me not spread my thinking like dendrites and follow the axonal pathway!! ( For the non- medico readers-- A nerve cell has many branches. The main one is called as axon, which carries all the neuronal signal and the others are called Dendrites)

Coming back to the Monsoon morning...... I saw something  which i had never seen- YELLOW COLOURED FROGS!!! Lots And Lots of Them. The colour was so contrasting. Green trees looking greener, atmosphere looking clearer, and 7-8 Bright Yellow Frogs!!- CHERRY ON THE CAKE ; singing the rain song...Turr..Turrr..Turrr..Turrr......!!!!

What a treat to the eyes which were seeking colours in life!!!

Everything seemed to have fallen in the correct place that morning.......the weather, the sky, the fragrance, the water, the tree, the frogs.....!!!

Or is it that things are always in their correct places  and it is us humans who fail to appreciate it because of our unstable states of mind which keeps wandering from pillar to post to seek happiness and serenity!!! May be.......... The answer is within us.......


I was so engrossed in the Music Concert of those lovely Yellow  Frogs that I did  not realise that it was time for me to say- School Chalein Hum.....:-)

Nice hot breakfast of Dosa and chutney, customary glass of Bournvita (For that extra growing power), smile on my face, happiness and memories of the visual treat which Mother Nature gifted me early in the morning. I started marching towards the bus stop with my brother; teasing him and getting teased by him (our daily ritual... :-) Can't help you see..typical siblings..:-) ) ; with a hope that such a day will come again........


If you are also reading this piece of my work, do you remember that day Srinivas bhaiyya?????????

Grades of Love!!!!!!!....

Quoting the definitions from the Oxford English dictionary-

Attraction- being drawn to oneself; the power of getting attracted towards a thing , place or person

Infatuation- inspire with intense fondness

Crush- colloquial  Intense Infatuation

Love- deep affection or fondness

How and when do you say that you have one of these syndromes? I wish we had a grading system for these kinds of ‘ tachycardia causing’ emotions too, like we have for grading muscle strength-. In the lines of Manual Muscle Testing grades, it would have been called Emotional affection/ love Rating  Grades.  A chart of Manual Muscle Testing grades is being shown here for the non-medical/physio readers here-

Grades of manual Muscle Testing

Grade 0- No contraction of the muscle

Grade1- Flicker contraction

Grade2- Full range of movement  of the muscle in gravity minimised plane

Grade 3- Full range of movement against gravity

Grade 4- Full range of movement against gravity and minimal resistance

Grade 5- Full range of movement against gravity and maximal resistance

Similarly, the Emotional love/affection rating grades would have been something like this-

Grade 0- No attraction

Grade 1- -flicker/ mild feeling of attraction, characterized by an event of “struck your eyes on the person for a few seconds”.

- Feelings appreciated by the victim only in the presence of the stimulus; absence of feelings when the stimulus is not around

Grade 2- Intense attraction or Infatuation which is present even after the stimulus is removed.

- Characterised by neuronal signal changes which bring the thoughts of the person in the victim’s mind. Such thoughts persist for some days.

-Bowel  & bladder functions , appetite and sleeping patterns remain unaffected.

Grade3- Intense infatuation or crush.

- Characterised by a strong urge to talk to the person or meet him/her.

- Neuronal signals in the victims brain are more intense, resulting in Autonomic nervous system changes- palpitation, sweating, signs of “want to speak but become speechless when the stimulus comes in front of them” , Adrenaline surge

- Bowel and bladder functions normal; sleep partially disturbed, appetite normal

Grade 4- Love ( with query)

-Characterized by cardiac and nervous system involvement which has impact on all the other systems

-Thoughts, words, actions, activities of the stimuli cloud around the victim’s brain and mind – 25 hours a day( body clock starts doing overtime, that’s why 25 hours!!)

- Bowel and bladder functions affected. Appetite severely  affected. Sleep-wake cycles altered. Circardian rythm gets disturbed

Grade 5- Confirmed love.

-Feelings are intense, persist defying all the truths of the world and inspite of full parental resistance

-Presence of the stimuli makes the victim’s life colourful; absence makes it dull and black and white.

- All the body systems are affected.

-ADL ( Activities of Daily Living) affected.

What do you think folks???

Happiness.....:-)

Happiness is relative. People say that happiness is within us. But sometimes we are so lost in the  No Man’s Land of our thoughts that how much ever we try, we fail to find that treasure…..that serenity…..that peace….those moments which make us wear a 100 watts on our faces……

We look around ourselves, and find familiar faces; unfamiliar faces; faces with relative happiness; faces with absolute happiness; faces with a genuine spark of happiness in their eyes; faces with a fake mask trying to always keep the angles of mouth pulled apart and pretend in front of the outer world that they are happy; hiding the unrest in the ocean of their hearts and minds- the ripples, the waves, the storm- inside- the changing colours of the ocean, reflecting the unstable state. The sorrows, the grief, the pain, the anguish- buried deep within and faking a simple 100 watts on the faces.

Actually, happiness is a state of mind. It is temporary. I know some people will detest with this opinion of mine. They might say- A person can be happy irrespective of what the circumstances are!!.......But that is theory.  Our mind does not work in the bookish manner. Happiness does has relativity.

In our quest of finding happiness, we look around us. With no success in the outer world, we start digging inside- dig and dig- deep inside; till we reach the core and scratch the inner walls of our hearts- till they bleed and bleed and bleed- draining out all the unhappy blood and allowing the happy blood to flow and circulate all around the body.

But what do we get after so much of exercise?? Momentary happiness!! That’s it??? Is that what we wanted? Only few moments of happiness followed by ditches of grief!!! If eventually we have sadness assigned to us, why show us the merry dreams of “temporary happiness” !! Let us always be in sorrow so that we learn to live with  it; accepting that to be the way of life, and never get affected by the adversities.

I know the readers will again  detest, saying- There should be a balance between happiness and sorrow. We should have shades of both, to make a complete circle of life. But, if this temporary phase of happiness is bound to be followed by pain and sorrow, is this so called  HAPPINESS really worth having in life???????????

Silence.......

Silence is golden. Without uttering a word, it speaks volumes. Silence can be interpreted in many ways.......


Silence can mean calmness....calmness of serenity.....!! It can also be the motionless  calmness prior to a storm

Silence is the language of introspection....

Silence, at times , is misunderstood to be defeat. In fact, silence is the sign of strength...... A person who speaks less, does more...his actions speak more than his words......

Silence reflects pain.....desperation...suffering...anguish....remorse......wish what was done could be undone!!!! What was said could be erased!!

Silence is the language of love.....where the lips are sealed and eyes do the talking.....!!!!!

Silence is the language of happiness....... It speaks a hundred thousand words in the form of tears  when a mother flips through the sheets of an old album......amazed at how time flies!!! How her tiny little bundles of joy, who needed the  support of her hand to walk each and every step, have learned to run in the race of life!!!

Silence is the language of expectation......wish people could understand what you wanted to say without a word being spoken or heard!!!

Sitting near my window, staring at the crying sky.. I wonder......Is this silence after the downpour also wanting to say something?? Some hidden message from HIM??? Something which has never been said, never been heard????

Love is.....

This is one terminology which has been described in a million different forms by million different people. Though ultimately the flow from all these descriptions merge into the same ocean- LOVE…..it is very beautiful to see and understand how a  word can be explained in so many different ways and still mean the same!!!

As the name of my blog says- PERSPECTIVE….I would like to express and share my understanding of this 4 letter word which provides bread and butter to the employees in the Greetings and Gifts Industry!!!

Love is not in an object or in a thing visible to our eyes... It is something which is felt….by our soul. Love is not the gifts exchanged between 2 people. It is the glow in the eye which comes when someone sees someone special. Love is not in the endless romantic talks and messages exchanged between who assume that they are in love. It is in the SILENCE between these talks which speaks volumes!!!!! Love is not in the frequent phone calls made by a person just to let the other person know that he/she is always on his/her mind. It is in the feeling of ‘running out of words’ when one sees his/her beloved after a long gap!!!!- No words spoken..still  so much is communicated!!!

Love is not in the seven vows taken  customarily by a man and his wife; neither is it in the Sindoor or Mangalsutra; neither in Vidaayi  nor in the Suhaagraat. Love is the sublime and pious emotion which causes tear drops to roll down the cheeks when a mother holds her baby in her arms for the first time, admiring the Almighty’s  blessing.

Love is not in the desire to own somebody physically and claiming authoritatively- She belongs to me!!! I own her!! She is mine, no one else’s!!..... Love is in the confidence which lets you loosen all the shackles, to let your love go wherever it wants to go. No matter how far it goes,  if the love is true, if it is love in the REAL SENSE, it will eventually come back to you….That’s the beauty of TRUE LOVE..

Immature people, who claim to be in love, promise each other- I can die for you, I cannot live without you and the likes. I say- if something is making you die, is it worth being called love??                             

Don’t fall in love !!!! Rise in love!!! Flourish in love!!! Grow with it!!! Don’t perish! Persist! Live with love.

LOSS............

What is loss?? Absence of a thing, an emotion, money, a dear one, a dear object…all worldly possessions…..

We realize that we have lost something when we do not experience the  feeling of  happiness I our life. We see a hole- a void,, an empty space; that leaves us hurt and makes us feel miserable. We find it difficult to replace the lost entity. Sorrow grips us- We start giving up. And in some cases, the person in question perishes and succumbs to the loss….  WHAT A PITY!!!!!!

Why do we drown ourselves into the tank of sorrow because of a loss??? Why do we feel so miserable when a certain dear one or a dear object departs away from us??

The answer is- ASSOCIATION…..

We associate our  joys and sorrows to an object, a person, an activity, a place to such an extent that the mere thought of absence of that entity makes us apprehensive. When it is near us, we are happy. When it goes away from us, we become sad….

Complicated????

The solution is simple-  Don’t associate and be happy for ever………as simple as that!!

Easy to preach but difficult to follow……….Isn’t it???

That is the whole issue. How do burn our emotions deep inside and make ourselves a stone, so that we become like the seers who preach- ‘Live life expectation free. Dissociate yourself from all worldly entities- that will open the way to eternal happiness.

They say that everything in life should be balanced. We should neither be too happy nor be too sad. Why doesn’t this rule of balance apply to expectations- Neither have under expectations, nor have over expectations. Why does the rule say- NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!

Expectation germinates from greed. But is expecting to be happy wrong? Is expecting to lead a peaceful life being greedy?

Actually speaking, it is us who choose happiness or sorrow for ourselves. We decide what to derive from a situation or an act. If the choice is ours, why not choose happiness?? Why unnecessarily pick the thorn and keep complaining??

No one else but we are responsible for whatever happens in our life. So, let us handle his beautiful GIFT sensibly and always wear that HUNDRED WATT n our faces…J J

CHEERS TO LIFE!!!!!!!